I was Assulted with an Iguana

So I recently had my friend in tears with laughter when I told her this story, so I decided to share this light hearted story.  Please let me know what you think…Enjoy! 

On a family holiday in Somerset my mum had organised a day out to tropical world centre which apparently was perfect to visit on a rainy day. It was one of those places thats filled with creatures I hate in see through glass cages. 
There were spiders with their fury jumper on, you know the ones that love to captivate you with their beady eyes then just when your questioning whether its dead or not it scurry’s straight for you but you can’t scream as there are people there. 

So you move off quickly to the next one or if your like me you have to stifle that scream and wait patiently to be pushed to the next exhibit this was before  I had a self propelling chair. 
Oh the mice, (yes I hate mice too, thanks to my dad but that’s another story) why keep them in a glass cage for children to press their grubby faces in wonderment at, the disgusting vermin frighten me.

Unfortunately they are always at my height, yes I came face to face with my nemesis and I couldn’t run away from them it was awful. 
Anyway there was lots of creepy crawlers and as it was the holidays so lots of children where there. So was this man or should I say a member of staff who was showcasing some of the animals, he had stick insects a huge moth I’m sure it was dead or superglued to his glove as hardly moved then the last animal came out. 

A huge ugly looking iguana, the man said “oh your at the perfect height” looking right at me and before I could figure what the heck he was talking about he put the iguana on my lap. 

Then invited the children to stroke the bloody humongous iguana on my lap.  Now what people didn’t know was this iguana wasn’t impressed with my wobbly chunky legs and not sure if I was a safe surface to have been thrusted on he digged his claws in to my legs clutching on like its life depended on it. 

Then my mum was telling me to smile and all I kept thinking was “smile? I have just been assualted in broad daylight with a flipping iguana and you want me to smile.” 

I grinned my teeth as I attempted to turn my grimace into a smile. Well there was so many beaming faces who were enjoying stroking this mini dinosaur. Whilst I was being photographed by wannabe paparazzi, sorry parents of these half pints, I silently prayed for this torture to end. 

The relief I got when that thing had to be prized off my legs was so incredible, I literally could have cried. 

The dam fool never got my permission to put that iguana on me and because I am backwards in coming forward I had to just suck it up!

Oh and thats the day I decided I would NEVER have an iguana for a pet! 

2 thoughts on “I was Assulted with an Iguana

  1. Bad manners in the extreme, by the handler and the parents. also iguanas can be quite dangerous so need confident handling, not thrust on someone unexpectedly! Add to that the possible trauma suffered by people crowding around and it’s a recipe for total disaster.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. That’s so thoughtless. Cannot begin to imagine, apart from I do see these people who think they are being charmingly confident and inclusive, but who are actually rude and overbearing. I’ve been horrified many times in my life when I’ve seen a demonstrator/presenter act in such a way, but I far if I intervene they won’t understand, I won’t explain it well and then everyone will think I’m a pc warrior. Over time I’ve worked our a few starters to talk to the person after the event, but that doesn’t stop the horror in the moment. Bless you for turning it into a funny story. X

    Liked by 1 person

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